Hadley’s Intro: Do you ever delight in someone’s misfortunes?
That’s Schadenfreude. Can you turn it into Freudenfreude,
which is finding pleasure in another’s good fortune?
Discover 4 steps to cultivate Freudenfreude and increase intimacy
and joy relationships in this guest post, courtesy of the New York Times.
Credit…Cristina Spanò
By Juli Fraga
Published Nov. 25, 2022
Updated Nov. 28, 2022
When Eugenie George heard that her friend passed a
financial counseling exam, at first her heart
sank. She had failed the same test weeks earlier,
and she needed the credential to advance her
career.
“My inner child got upset,” recalled Ms.
George, a financial writer and educator from
Philadelphia. But then, instead of stewing, she
called her friend: “I told her I failed and
admitted I was jealous,” she said. Ms. George
knew that being upfront would defuse her envy, but
she was surprised when it shifted her attitude so
she could share her friend’s happiness, and
experience her own, in turn. “I congratulated
her and told her she inspired me.”
Finding pleasure in another person’s good
fortune is what social scientists call
“freudenfreude,” a term (inspired by the
German word for “joy”) that describes the
bliss we feel when someone else succeeds, even if
it doesn’t directly involve us. Freudenfreude is
like social glue, said Catherine Chambliss, a
professor of psychology at Ursinus College. It
makes relationships “more intimate and
enjoyable.”
Erika Weisz, an empathy researcher and
postdoctoral fellow in psychology at Harvard
University, said the feeling closely resembles
positive empathy — the ability to experience
someone else’s positive emotions. A small 2021
study examined positive empathy’s role in daily
life and found that it propelled kind acts, like
helping others. Sharing in someone else’s joy
can also foster resilience, improve life
satisfaction and help people cooperate during a
conflict.
While the benefits of freudenfreude are plentiful,
it doesn’t always come easily. In zero-sum
situations, your loss might really sting, making
freudenfreude feel out of reach. If you were
raised in a family that paired winning with
self-worth, Dr. Chambliss said, you might misread
someone else’s victory as a personal
shortcoming. And factors like mental health and
overall well-being can also affect your ability to
participate in someone else’s joy. Still,
indulging in freudenfreude is worthwhile — and
there are ways to encourage the feeling.
If freudenfreude is so great, why does
schadenfreude get more attention?
To better understand freudenfreude, it can be
helpful to demystify its better-known counterpart,
schadenfreude: the pleasure we feel when
witnessing someone’s misfortune.
In a 2012 study, Dr. Chambliss and her colleagues
examined freudenfreude and schadenfreude scores
among college students, some of whom were
experiencing mild depression and some who
weren’t. Freudenfreude scores were higher, and
schadenfreude scores were lower, among those who
were not depressed. The mildly depressed college
students, however, had a harder time adopting a
joy-sharing mind-set. “When you’re feeling
down, it’s natural to puncture positive news
with negativity,” Dr. Chambliss explained.
Even when people aren’t experiencing mental
distress, moments of schadenfreude, like when a
movie villain gets their comeuppance or a nemesis
faces scrutiny, can be comforting and serve a
purpose.
“Schadenfreude is one way we try to cope with
jealousy and vulnerability,” said clinical
psychologist Emily Anhalt, co-founder of Coa, a
mental health app. It’s an “ego protector”
that shields people from pain and reinforces
social bonds within a group, like when joy erupts
among sports fans after their rival faces a
humiliating loss.
Indulging in too much schadenfreude, however, can
backfire. One study found that schadenfreude on
social media can ice out empathy, making people
less compassionate toward those who differ from
them. Other research suggests that delighting in
the mishaps of others can actually lower a
person’s self-esteem, especially when they are
comparing themselves to high achievers.
Is it possible to experience more freudenfreude?
“Empathy isn’t always an automatic reflex,”
Dr. Weisz said. “It’s often a motivated
process.”
To help people strengthen joy-sharing
muscles, Dr. Chambliss and her colleagues
developed a program called Freudenfreude
Enhancement Training (FET), featuring two
exercises. They found that depressed college
students who used the practices for two weeks had
an easier time expressing freudenfreude, which
enhanced their relationships and improved their
mood.
If you’re interested in enjoying a little more
freudenfreude, try some of the tips below, culled
from FET and other experts.
1. Show active interest in someone else’s
happiness.
One way to summon good feelings for others is to
ask questions. Dr. Chambliss and her colleagues
call this FET practice “SHOY,” or sharing joy.
To start, invite the bearer of good news to
discuss their experience. Even if your heart
isn’t in it, research conducted by Sonja
Lyubomirsky, a psychology professor at the
University of California Riverside who studies
happiness, suggests that happiness can flourish
when you make a heartfelt effort to engage with a
positive activity.
So when you speak with your friend, make eye
contact and listen to their story. Doing so
motivates you to keep going and makes you feel
like your efforts will pay off.
2. View individual success as a communal effort.
“When we feel happy for others, their joy
becomes our joy,” said psychologist Marisa
Franco, author of “Platonic: How the Science of
Attachment Can Help You Make — and Keep —
Friends.” To that end, freudenfreude encourages
us to look at success as a community achievement.
“No one gets to the top alone, and when we
elevate others, we’re often carried up with
them,” Dr. Anhalt said.
Jean Grae, an artist and self-identified
“multipotentialite,” supports friends and
colleagues by adopting this mind-set. When someone
gets a new opportunity or reaches a milestone, she
makes sure to celebrate them, she explained. As a
nonbinary person of color, Grae said she is moved
when anyone considered “other” succeeds.
“It’s truly inspirational because it lifts us
all up and makes us shine.”
3. Share credit for your successes with others.
Because emotions are contagious, showing
appreciation can increase freudenfreude for both
the gratitude giver and the recipient. In this
way, you can think of freudenfreude as something
you can spread when you’re experiencing personal
joy.
To do this, try an FET exercise called
“bragitude,” which involves expressing
gratitude when someone else’s success or support
leads to your own. Start by sharing your win, then
tell the other person how they helped. If your
friend’s accountant advised you to squirrel away
more money, for instance, you might say: “My
savings are growing, thanks for recommending your
great accountant.”
Practicing bragitude is like sharing dessert: Both
parties enjoy the sweetness of the moment, which
enhances freudenfreude for them both.
4. Become a joy spectator.
“Too often, we think of joy passively,” Dr.
Franco said. “We see it as something that comes
to us, instead of something we can generate.”
But you don’t need to wait for someone else’s
good news to exercise freudenfreude, she
explained.
Cultivate joy by inviting others to share their
victories. You might ask: “What was the bright
spot of your day?” or “I could use some good
news. What’s the best thing that happened to you
this week?” Asking about other people’s wins
turns you into a joy spectator, giving you a
chance to witness them at their best.
Experiencing more freudenfreude doesn’t mean
you’ll never root against a villain again, but
being able to reach for happiness is inherently
beneficial. “As delicious as it is to delight in
our enemy’s defeats, celebrating our friends’
success — big and small — helps us all triumph
in the end,” Dr. Chambliss said.
Juli Fraga is a psychologist and writer in San
Francisco.
A correction was made on Nov. 28, 2022: An earlier
version of this article misidentified the origin
of the word freudenfreude. The term is inspired by
“freude,” the German word for joy. It is not a
German word.
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Which steps will you take to add Freudenfreude
in your relationships?
Hadley Finch
